


wild and wired

by schittyfic (sixtysevenlmpala)



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: (discussion of), (in a trailer), Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Confident Noah Reid, Dirty Talk, Discovery, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, On Set, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Tension, in this universe everyone is single and it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27285205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtysevenlmpala/pseuds/schittyfic
Summary: It’s not like this is the first time - Noah floated into his guilty fantasies before their characters had even kissed, but he usually manages to control himself until he gets home, at least. Figures that out of all the close moments they’ve shared on camera, Noah sitting metres away andsinging at himwould get him the hottest.Or: Dan has to jerk off in his trailer after Noah playing guitar gets him hot under the collar on set. Of course, because the universe hates him, Noah walks in. He's definitely not expecting what comes next.
Relationships: Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 26
Kudos: 98





	wild and wired

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't expect to fall down the RPF hole but here I am, folks! Basically, I wanted this to exist so I wrote it. In this universe everyone is single!
> 
> I don't need to tell you where the title lyrics are from, right?
> 
> <3

The door slams behind Dan as he steps purposefully into his trailer, lips pressed tightly together in his last semblance of composure, before leaning back against the door and grinding the heel of his hand into his dick. He’s hard, so fucking hard, hard enough that he couldn’t risk being on set any longer surrounded by watchful eyes, hard enough that he called a hasty break even though they’d had one not long ago and still had a pile of shit to film.

He can only hope his cast and crew will put it down to one of his weird, introspective moments, those times where something’s not quite right and he needs to retire to his trailer and just _think_ and worry and mull by himself. In reality, he just needs some privacy to get over Noah and that fucking guitar.

Dan lets out a slow, measured breath, his cock throbbing inside his jeans - David’s jeans. He really did intend to simply pull himself together and will his hard-on away, but his mind is all _Noah_ and his talented fingers plucking at the strings, his voice like honey and his eyes burning into Dan’s, that delicious slice of pale chest on show. He thinks of his easy laugh when he messed up the chords, his focused lip-bite as he re-tuned, the confident grin he threw Dan’s way just before _action_.

Before he knows it, he’s palming himself, groaning in defeat because he is so, _so_ gone for pretty much the straightest guy on set. What a cliche. It’s not like this is the first time - Noah floated into his guilty fantasies before their characters had even kissed, but he usually manages to control himself until he gets home. Figures that out of all the close moments they’ve shared on camera, Noah sitting metres away and _singing at him_ would get him the hottest.

“Fuck,” he mutters, fumbling the buttons on the jeans and getting his cock in hand, instantly setting a punishing rhythm of tight, fast strokes. His breaths are shaky and quick, and he squeezes his eyes shut, replaying the image of Noah’s fingers dancing over the strings - too turned-on and too aware of how fucking risky this is to dwell on his wild unprofessionalism - he’d beat himself up for that later.

Those fingers are perfect, thick and a little rough and yet so deft, deliberate in every movement. Dan thinks of them wrapped around his cock, squeezing and teasing; he thinks of grabbing Noah’s wrist and sucking his fingers into his mouth. He thinks of them sliding inside him, stretching him out and making him sob, splaying over his stomach to pin him down and make him _take it_. God, Noah would be a little shit about it, would play with his rim and dip just far enough inside to get him squirming for more, drawing back when Dan’s hips tried to follow - maybe he’d make him ask for it, beg for it. Dan would. God, yeah, he would. His free hand flies to his mouth and he bites into the meat of it to muffle a soft moan, wishing he had time to spread himself out and fuck himself right now.

As it is, he’s time-limited, so he just tightens his grip and desperately jacks himself, legs sliding a little further apart as he sags back against the door, and he knows he’s probably sweating through the orange-and-black jumper and he’s gotta wear it for the rest of the scene and wardrobe will _murder_ him but he doesn’t care, he can’t care, can’t stop long enough to take it off--

There’s a sudden sound right behind him, a light step on the stair and a hand on the door handle - _fuck_ , he locked it, didn’t he fucking lock it?! - but he didn’t, couldn’t have, because he barely has time to stumble forward and attempt to stuff himself back into his pants before the door’s swinging open and--

“Dan, I just had a question about-- uh.”

“Fuck - _fuck_ , Noah, I’m--”

Noah’s here. Noah is _here_ , and Dan is half-turned away from him because his fucking cock is still partly out, he’s too hard to make it easy. 

This is bad. This is really bad. At best, he’s just made things irreparably awkward with a friend and colleague; at worst, his entire career is done for, the subject of tomorrow’s sleazy headlines.

“Oh my God,” Noah says in disbelief, cupping a hand over his mouth to hide a laugh. Then he carefully, deliberately, closes the door behind him.

“I’m sorry, I am so sorry, I thought - I thought I locked the door.” His face is hotter than he’s ever felt it before. He might actually die. Or at least, like, his face might melt off.

“Yeah. Seems like maybe you were in a bit of a hurry there.” Noah is _grinning_ at him, so fucking amused - which is better than screaming and running, granted, but it isn’t doing any favours for Dan’s _personal humiliation._

With some difficulty, Dan manages to tuck himself away and turns fully to face Noah. He clears his throat demurely and folds his arms in front of his chest, arranging his face into a picture of polite interest. “I’m sorry, did you - um. You wanted to ask me something?”

Noah raises his eyebrows, and he won’t stop _staring_ at him. It’s even more intense than during the scene, his eyes impossibly darkened, pinning him to the spot. “You expect me to remember what I came in here for after walking in on that?” 

He takes a step forward, and Dan blinks at him, his cock still pressing insistently against his zipper. The pretty flush on Noah’s cheeks really isn’t helping that situation, and the tongue peeking out to wet his lips doesn’t either. Dan can’t speak.

“What were you thinkin’ about that got you so desperate?” Noah asks quietly, his gaze steady, and Dan can’t think. There literally is not a thought in his head except the gap between them growing smaller and smaller.

“I wasn’t _desperate_ ,” he manages to huff out, and Noah scoffs, glances down to the obvious outline of his dick, bulging in the tight denim.

“Sure, I mean, you do look really put together.” Noah swallows then, a tiny break in his smooth confidence, and when he meets Dan’s eyes he’s searching for something. _He’s straight_ , Dan reminds himself, _he’s extremely straight, and he fucking works for you, you’re reading this wrong_ \- but there’s a spark of hopeful doubt, deep in his gut. “Seems to me like something got you so worked up you couldn’t help it, had to run to your trailer and get yourself off in the middle of filming, couldn’t let anyone see how hard you were.”

“Noah,” Dan whispers faintly, his pulse skyrocketing. 

“Tell me I’ve got it wrong and I’ll back off,” Noah murmurs, and he’s right in Dan’s space now - he can smell his cologne, can feel the heat of his body, watch his eyes flicking left and right as he searches Dan’s face. “Tell me all those times I’ve caught you checking me out when you think you’re being subtle are just you getting into character. Tell me it wasn’t me you were thinkin’ about just then. Go on.”

Dan’s mouth is dry, and he just shakes his head dumbly, then nods it, unsure which is the right response - his brain is buffering and he stammers out, “I - you don’t - you’re not.”

Noah’s lips quirk, a dimple popping out on his cheek. “Not what - not gay?”

Dan makes a weak, affirmative noise. He doesn’t know what the fuck is happening but what he does know is he’s not about to take advantage of anyone. There’s nothing he wants more than to throw himself at Noah, and every signal he’s getting is _screaming_ at him to do so, but he won’t - the power imbalance and the question mark above Noah’s sexuality is too much - so he holds back. God, honestly, he is a fucking _saint_.

“I mean - yes. Correct.” Noah moves closer and his fingertips brush along the waistband of Dan’s jeans. “But I’ve jerked off thinking about you more times than I can count since I signed onto the show, so at this point I kinda feel like the label’s irrelevant, don’t you?”

“Fuck,” Dan says emphatically, grabbing at Noah’s shirt and tugging him closer, but he doesn’t let himself kiss him - just breathes out, “Please,” and then Noah’s on him, thank fucking God, he’s kissing him all messy and insistent and he’s groping at his ass and hauling their hips together, and it’s nothing like kissing Patrick, nothing at all. Noah kisses like he’s starving for it, filthy and deep, tilting Dan’s head just how he wants it, and Dan _melts_.

He’s still dizzyingly hard and he moans embarrassingly loud when Noah frees his cock again, stroking him a little clumsy but with enough enthusiasm and confidence to make up for it. “Shh,” Noah hushes, with a wolfish grin. “Anyone could walk past and hear you. Don’t want everyone else knowing how desperate you are, do you?”

Dan can’t, he _can’t_ , he’s biting his lips and dropping his head down to Noah’s shoulder and he still can’t keep the needy sounds inside - every word from Noah goes straight to his dick, like he already knows what gets him off, the bastard. “God, you’re the actual worst,” he laughed shakily, and Noah laughs back, easy and low.

“So - what _were_ you thinking about, exactly?” Noah pants, hard against Dan’s thigh.

“Your hands - your fingers,” Dan breathes, hips stuttering forward to fuck into Noah’s fist, glancing down between them to see the subject of his fantasies wrapped so prettily around his cock. He’s so close already. “I hate that fucking guitar, Noah, I can’t - all I could think about was you touching me, _fuck_.”

“Touching you like this?” He gives his cock a squeeze. 

Dan nods, keening, his mental filter completely disintegrating. “And - and inside me. Your fingers are so - _nice_ , I just - I was picturing you stretching me out, you holding me down and fucking me with them.”

“Jesus, Dan.” Noah strokes him tighter and tugs his hair as he kisses him _hard_. “Bet you’d look so pretty spread out on my fingers, huh? Bet you’d be so good for me - fuck, I wanna see how much you can take, see if I can make you scream just with my fingers inside you, bet you’re so fucking hungry for it you’d bend over and let me do it right now--”

“ _Fuck_ \- fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dan gasps, grabbing at Noah as he comes all over his fist, shuddering and breathless and Noah kisses him through it, softer and sweeter than before.

Dan’s knees feel like they’re going to give out, so he goes with it, dropping down onto the shitty carpet and tearing Noah’s jeans open. Noah gets out an, “Oh my God, yeah,” before Dan sucks his hard cock into his mouth - no preamble, no making a show of it - he can tell Noah’s desperate and if he’s honest, he doesn’t want to wait another fucking second. 

He’s being messy, drool running down Noah’s shaft to his balls, and Noah’s looking at him like this is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He threads a hand through Dan’s coiffed hair - shit, he really is going to get crucified - and the other grips his stubbled jaw, thumb pressing into his cheek to feel where his cock slides in and out of Dan’s mouth. For all that he was running his mouth moments before, Noah’s speechless now, and Dan’s pretty proud of those whimpering sounds he’s making. Dan savours it all, the taste of him at the back of his throat, the flush on his cheeks and the perfect ‘o’ his mouth makes as he stares down at him. It’s not long until he lets out a cut-off moan - “Dan, _oh--_ ”, and comes hot and sudden over Dan’s tongue, Dan swallowing as neatly as he can even though the costumes are well and truly fucked now, anyway.

Noah’s knees thump to the ground and he kisses him lazily, both of them uncoordinated and dazed, and Dan has no idea who cracks first but then they’re giggling like they’re stoned, Dan tucking his face into Noah’s neck and hiding his laughter there.

“Noah. Noah.”

“What?”

Dan’s eyes are bright and crinkled at the edges as he lifts his head. “How the _fuck_ are we going to finish this scene?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a kudos/comment if you liked, or have any feedback at all!
> 
> <3


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